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Latest #ComplexTrauma Posts

  • Children do not choose “easy targets” to release their rage. They choose people they feel safe enough with to show weakness and not be abandoned or abused. 

Children impacted by adverse childhood experiences are not “broken”. Their foundation of trust has been broken. When they begin to feel as though it is safe to trust you, the rage and pain will begin to pour out. It may seem aimed at you! This is because the people or person who caused the pain were not safe enough to show the rage to. 

Do not take a trauma-impacted child’s rage personally. Accept that they need to express the pain towards a safe adult, and feel to heal, in order to trust again. 

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#childrensmentalhealth #traumarecovery #traumaparenting #traumainformed #traumainformedcare #traumainformedschools #childhoodtrauma #childprotection #cptsd #fostercare #kinshipcare #fosterparents #fosterparenting #fosterfamily #aces #traumatherapy #socialworkerlife #socialworker #schoolcounselorsofinstagram #grandparentsraisinggrandkids #grandfamilies #raisinggrandkids #grandparenting #complextrauma #behavioralhealth #mentalhealth #abuseawareness #childabuseawareness #parentingquotes #childpsychology
  • Children do not choose “easy targets” to release their rage. They choose people they feel safe enough with to show weakness and not be abandoned or abused.

    Children impacted by adverse childhood experiences are not “broken”. Their foundation of trust has been broken. When they begin to feel as though it is safe to trust you, the rage and pain will begin to pour out. It may seem aimed at you! This is because the people or person who caused the pain were not safe enough to show the rage to.

    Do not take a trauma-impacted child’s rage personally. Accept that they need to express the pain towards a safe adult, and feel to heal, in order to trust again.

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    #childrensmentalhealth #traumarecovery #traumaparenting #traumainformed #traumainformedcare #traumainformedschools #childhoodtrauma #childprotection #cptsd #fostercare #kinshipcare #fosterparents #fosterparenting #fosterfamily #aces #traumatherapy #socialworkerlife #socialworker #schoolcounselorsofinstagram #grandparentsraisinggrandkids #grandfamilies #raisinggrandkids #grandparenting #complextrauma #behavioralhealth #mentalhealth #abuseawareness #childabuseawareness #parentingquotes #childpsychology

  •  0  0  9 minutes ago
  • Children do not choose “easy targets” to release their rage. They choose people they feel safe enough with to show weakness and not be abandoned or abused. 

Children impacted by adverse childhood experiences are not “broken”. Their foundation of trust has been broken. When they begin to feel as though it is safe to trust you, the rage and pain will begin to pour out. It may seem aimed at you! This is because the people or person who caused the pain were not safe enough to show the rage to. 

Do not take a trauma-impacted child’s rage personally. Accept that they need to express the pain towards a safe adult, and feel to heal, in order to trust again. 

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#childrensmentalhealth #traumarecovery #traumaparenting #traumainformed #traumainformedcare #traumainformedschools #childhoodtrauma #childprotection #cptsd #fostercare #kinshipcare #fosterparents #fosterparenting #fosterfamily #aces #traumatherapy #socialworkerlife #socialworker #schoolcounselorsofinstagram #grandparentsraisinggrandkids #grandfamilies #raisinggrandkids #grandparenting #complextrauma #behavioralhealth #mentalhealth #abuseawareness #childabuseawareness #parentingquotes #childpsychology
  • Children do not choose “easy targets” to release their rage. They choose people they feel safe enough with to show weakness and not be abandoned or abused.

    Children impacted by adverse childhood experiences are not “broken”. Their foundation of trust has been broken. When they begin to feel as though it is safe to trust you, the rage and pain will begin to pour out. It may seem aimed at you! This is because the people or person who caused the pain were not safe enough to show the rage to.

    Do not take a trauma-impacted child’s rage personally. Accept that they need to express the pain towards a safe adult, and feel to heal, in order to trust again.

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    #childrensmentalhealth #traumarecovery #traumaparenting #traumainformed #traumainformedcare #traumainformedschools #childhoodtrauma #childprotection #cptsd #fostercare #kinshipcare #fosterparents #fosterparenting #fosterfamily #aces #traumatherapy #socialworkerlife #socialworker #schoolcounselorsofinstagram #grandparentsraisinggrandkids #grandfamilies #raisinggrandkids #grandparenting #complextrauma #behavioralhealth #mentalhealth #abuseawareness #childabuseawareness #parentingquotes #childpsychology

  •  0  0  9 minutes ago
  • WHY PEOPLE FIND IT HARD TO ACCEPT YOUR BOUNDARIES ⠀
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Do you ever feel like you try to set boundaries but it feels really uncomfortable or you feel like you are not listened to? ⠀
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This might be why. ⠀
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Do any of these points resonate with you? ⠀
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Let me know in the comments⠀
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#boundaries #healthyboundaries #settingboundaries #setboundaries #relationships #healthyrelationships #toxicrelationships #relationaltrauma #complextrauma #redflags #emotionalhealth #emotionalwellbeing #peoplepleasing 
#peoplepleaser #toxicfriends #toxicpeople #narcississtfree #traumabond #narcissist  #traumarecovery #healing #selfvalue #selfworth #selfcompassion #selfwork⠀
#therapistsofinstagram #counsellorsofinstagram #therapist #blacktherapist #newframetherapy
  • WHY PEOPLE FIND IT HARD TO ACCEPT YOUR BOUNDARIES ⠀

    Do you ever feel like you try to set boundaries but it feels really uncomfortable or you feel like you are not listened to? ⠀

    This might be why. ⠀

    Do any of these points resonate with you? ⠀

    Let me know in the comments⠀
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    #boundaries #healthyboundaries #settingboundaries #setboundaries #relationships #healthyrelationships #toxicrelationships #relationaltrauma #complextrauma #redflags #emotionalhealth #emotionalwellbeing #peoplepleasing
    #peoplepleaser #toxicfriends #toxicpeople #narcississtfree #traumabond #narcissist #traumarecovery #healing #selfvalue #selfworth #selfcompassion #selfwork⠀
    #therapistsofinstagram #counsellorsofinstagram #therapist #blacktherapist #newframetherapy

  •  3  2  10 minutes ago
  • My OCD was getting so intense lately in regards of smell, especially after surgery when all I could smell was "hospital" (you Know the smell). I know that it's a 'trauma thing' when your body becomes hypersensitive to senses - smell, taste, hearing, etc 
My OCD gets so fixated on the one thing that I just can't relax and I end up having a bit of a mental breakdown. I sprayed my favourite existential oil and it helped so so so much! 
This is 'Chakra blend' and I got it from @perfectpotion
  • My OCD was getting so intense lately in regards of smell, especially after surgery when all I could smell was "hospital" (you Know the smell). I know that it's a 'trauma thing' when your body becomes hypersensitive to senses - smell, taste, hearing, etc
    My OCD gets so fixated on the one thing that I just can't relax and I end up having a bit of a mental breakdown. I sprayed my favourite existential oil and it helped so so so much!
    This is 'Chakra blend' and I got it from @perfectpotion

  •  6  2  2 hours ago
  • ⁠⠀
Anxiety is a safety-seeking behaviour. When we are anxious, we are trapped in our fight or flight response. We are constantly scanning our environment for threats. What happens when you can't tell between what is a real threat and what isn't? ⁠⠀
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Our autonomic nervous system (ANS) is made out of our fight or flight response, and our rest and digest response. A healthy ANS can 'choose' its response. For example, if your partner disagrees with you, do you respond calmly or do you raise your voice? ⁠⠀
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The fight or flight response is activated by stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. How these hormones are triggered and how we regulate them depends on our biology and our experiences.⁠⠀
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For those of us who are used to high levels of stress hormones (for example, if you had an emotionally unavailable parent, your childhood would be spent trying to feel safe and loved, you would be constantly looking for ways to gain your parents love), the absence of these hormones may make us feel 'off' or that something is wrong. We become anxious, trying to anticipate the danger. ⁠⠀
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In order to feel 'safe' again, we may trigger our fight or flight response. E.g., when things are going well with our partner, we pick a fight. ⁠⠀
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When we understand anxiety as a fight or flight response, we can work on ways to introduce a feeling of safety into our body. ⁠⠀
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#themindfacultykl #themindfaculty #therapy #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmalaysia #mentalhealthquotes #depression #anxiety #healers #healing #trauma #complextrauma #developmentaltrauma #nervoussystem #vagusnerve
  • ⁠⠀
    Anxiety is a safety-seeking behaviour. When we are anxious, we are trapped in our fight or flight response. We are constantly scanning our environment for threats. What happens when you can't tell between what is a real threat and what isn't? ⁠⠀
    ⁠⠀
    Our autonomic nervous system (ANS) is made out of our fight or flight response, and our rest and digest response. A healthy ANS can 'choose' its response. For example, if your partner disagrees with you, do you respond calmly or do you raise your voice? ⁠⠀
    ⁠⠀
    The fight or flight response is activated by stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. How these hormones are triggered and how we regulate them depends on our biology and our experiences.⁠⠀
    ⁠⠀
    For those of us who are used to high levels of stress hormones (for example, if you had an emotionally unavailable parent, your childhood would be spent trying to feel safe and loved, you would be constantly looking for ways to gain your parents love), the absence of these hormones may make us feel 'off' or that something is wrong. We become anxious, trying to anticipate the danger. ⁠⠀
    ⁠⠀
    In order to feel 'safe' again, we may trigger our fight or flight response. E.g., when things are going well with our partner, we pick a fight. ⁠⠀
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    When we understand anxiety as a fight or flight response, we can work on ways to introduce a feeling of safety into our body. ⁠⠀
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    #themindfacultykl #themindfaculty #therapy #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmalaysia #mentalhealthquotes #depression #anxiety #healers #healing #trauma #complextrauma #developmentaltrauma #nervoussystem #vagusnerve

  •  47  0  3 hours ago
  • How does trauma therapy work? 💭

Trauma therapy isn't like waving a magic wand and watching as those feelings of trauma magically disappear.

This illustration by @lindsaybraman highlights Batson and Roth's model for how trauma therapy helps to reduce how much space past trauma takes up within one’s self. As this happens, more energy and mental space is created for building healthy relationships, developing self-respect and nurturing positive feelings as a result of minimising the interal intrusion caused by trauma 💜.

Head to @lindsaybraman's profile and visit the link in their bio to get a printable handout of this illustration.

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#healingjourney #endthesilence #traumahealing #traumarecovery #healinfromwithin #bekindtoyourself #personaldevelopment #healthyboundaries #selfhealing #mentalhealthawareness #posttraumaticgrowth #mindmatters #traumabond #complextrauma #reachout #seekhelp #notyourfault #bekindtoyourmind #putyourselffirst #youareenough #begoodtoyourself
  • How does trauma therapy work? 💭

    Trauma therapy isn't like waving a magic wand and watching as those feelings of trauma magically disappear.

    This illustration by @lindsaybraman highlights Batson and Roth's model for how trauma therapy helps to reduce how much space past trauma takes up within one’s self. As this happens, more energy and mental space is created for building healthy relationships, developing self-respect and nurturing positive feelings as a result of minimising the interal intrusion caused by trauma 💜.

    Head to @lindsaybraman's profile and visit the link in their bio to get a printable handout of this illustration.

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    #healingjourney #endthesilence #traumahealing #traumarecovery #healinfromwithin #bekindtoyourself #personaldevelopment #healthyboundaries #selfhealing #mentalhealthawareness #posttraumaticgrowth #mindmatters #traumabond #complextrauma #reachout #seekhelp #notyourfault #bekindtoyourmind #putyourselffirst #youareenough #begoodtoyourself

  •  14  1  3 hours ago
  • Update: therapie gaat niet door want therapaut ie ziek.

Goedemorgen! A new day to rock 💕

Gister ging het even heel bagger met mij, ik heb oa zonodig medicatie gepakt maar ik heb niet zelfbeschadigend gehandeld 👏🏻 Dus daar ben ik even heel erg blij mee.

Vandaag dus EMDR gesprek met psycholoog van fact. Ik moet er om 3uur zijn dus lekker in een oververhitte taxi daarheen crossen 😳 Nu al geen zin in. Ik hoop dat het gesprek een beetje meevalt maar denk het niet...

Gelukkig nee is mijn spv terug van vakantie dus kan ik het nabespreken met hem. Dat is wel even fijn. Donderdag heb ik ook een gesprek met hem.

Anyways, ik wil jullie allemaal heel veel succes wensen met wat jullie gaan doen! Stay fighting 🥰
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#autisme #autistisch #actuallyautistic #autistic #autismawareness #autism #borderline #borderlinepersonality #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpdawareness #adhd #ptss #ptsd #ptsdawareness #cptsd #complextrauma #herstel #herstellen #bewustwording #positiefdenken #positief #ikbenopen #heyhetisoke #onzichtbaarziek #chronischziek #recoveringdutchie #dutchblogger #discoverunder1k #discoverunder5k #discoverunder2k
  • Update: therapie gaat niet door want therapaut ie ziek.

    Goedemorgen! A new day to rock 💕

    Gister ging het even heel bagger met mij, ik heb oa zonodig medicatie gepakt maar ik heb niet zelfbeschadigend gehandeld 👏🏻 Dus daar ben ik even heel erg blij mee.

    Vandaag dus EMDR gesprek met psycholoog van fact. Ik moet er om 3uur zijn dus lekker in een oververhitte taxi daarheen crossen 😳 Nu al geen zin in. Ik hoop dat het gesprek een beetje meevalt maar denk het niet...

    Gelukkig nee is mijn spv terug van vakantie dus kan ik het nabespreken met hem. Dat is wel even fijn. Donderdag heb ik ook een gesprek met hem.

    Anyways, ik wil jullie allemaal heel veel succes wensen met wat jullie gaan doen! Stay fighting 🥰
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    #autisme #autistisch #actuallyautistic #autistic #autismawareness #autism #borderline #borderlinepersonality #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpdawareness #adhd #ptss #ptsd #ptsdawareness #cptsd #complextrauma #herstel #herstellen #bewustwording #positiefdenken #positief #ikbenopen #heyhetisoke #onzichtbaarziek #chronischziek #recoveringdutchie #dutchblogger #discoverunder1k #discoverunder5k #discoverunder2k

  •  35  1  5 hours ago
  • If this has been your reality — and you’ve found yourself in a toxic tangle or two — it makes sense that you wouldn’t be able to trust goodness or peace when it comes along. ⁣
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But we need to do the deep work of allowing your system to trust goodness and default to peace. ⁣
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Otherwise, you can’t move on. You can’t create the life of your desire and your design. This means that chaos shows up in all areas of your life — work, business, parenting, relationships, the court system.⁣
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But when you start to allow goodness in and to create a home with you — it’s a game changer. Goodness creeps in more and more. You start to savor it. You notice the peace and the harmony in your relationships, and you know how to maintain it. ⁣
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This is the work I help women do. DM to talk about grabbing one of my free consultation spots! 💜
  • If this has been your reality — and you’ve found yourself in a toxic tangle or two — it makes sense that you wouldn’t be able to trust goodness or peace when it comes along. ⁣

    But we need to do the deep work of allowing your system to trust goodness and default to peace. ⁣

    Otherwise, you can’t move on. You can’t create the life of your desire and your design. This means that chaos shows up in all areas of your life — work, business, parenting, relationships, the court system.⁣

    But when you start to allow goodness in and to create a home with you — it’s a game changer. Goodness creeps in more and more. You start to savor it. You notice the peace and the harmony in your relationships, and you know how to maintain it. ⁣

    This is the work I help women do. DM to talk about grabbing one of my free consultation spots! 💜

  •  12  2  9 hours ago
  • When we have a root of shame, we learn to use it as a way to “motivate” us into the “right action” - which we wrongly believe will make us lovable to God.  But this is so sadly misguided.
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So here’s the deal.  Shame can never lead us closer to God.  It only has the ability to disconnect and separate us from Him.
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The truth is, God is not waiting for us to clean our act up before He’s willing to love us.  He’s pouring His love out on us RIGHT NOW!  It isn’t our job to clean ourselves up in order for us to “deserve” his love - it’s actually our job to simply accept that He loves us - even in our biggest mess!
  • When we have a root of shame, we learn to use it as a way to “motivate” us into the “right action” - which we wrongly believe will make us lovable to God.  But this is so sadly misguided.


    So here’s the deal.  Shame can never lead us closer to God.  It only has the ability to disconnect and separate us from Him.


    The truth is, God is not waiting for us to clean our act up before He’s willing to love us.  He’s pouring His love out on us RIGHT NOW!  It isn’t our job to clean ourselves up in order for us to “deserve” his love - it’s actually our job to simply accept that He loves us - even in our biggest mess!

  •  5  1  9 hours ago
  • Trauma is timeless and the symptoms can actually get worse with time. The timelessness of trauma creates feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that can intensify with time. 

Sometimes it can feel like time has healed us but then we are back to square 1 when a big life event happens or we find ourselves in familiar toxic patterns blaming ourselves or others. Doing the work is an internal job and it’s never too late to choose recovery. Sometimes the universe gives us no choice and nudges into recovery and that’s okay too. 

#traumaawareness #traumatherapy #traumarecovery #recovery #traumahealing #ptsd #ptsdawareness #complextrauma #cptsd #generarionaltrauma #attachmenttrauma #attachmenttherapy #psychotherapy #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #narcissiticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #emdr #selfcare #innerchild #reparenting #mindfulness #selfcompassion #toxicparents #enmeshment #generationaltrauma #breakthecycle
  • Trauma is timeless and the symptoms can actually get worse with time. The timelessness of trauma creates feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that can intensify with time.

    Sometimes it can feel like time has healed us but then we are back to square 1 when a big life event happens or we find ourselves in familiar toxic patterns blaming ourselves or others. Doing the work is an internal job and it’s never too late to choose recovery. Sometimes the universe gives us no choice and nudges into recovery and that’s okay too.

    #traumaawareness #traumatherapy #traumarecovery #recovery #traumahealing #ptsd #ptsdawareness #complextrauma #cptsd #generarionaltrauma #attachmenttrauma #attachmenttherapy #psychotherapy #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #narcissiticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #emdr #selfcare #innerchild #reparenting #mindfulness #selfcompassion #toxicparents #enmeshment #generationaltrauma #breakthecycle

  •  42  5  10 hours ago
  • If you were raised by a narcissistic parent you understand that you were often invisible unless you were fulfilling the needs of the narcissist. This was likely where the origins of doubting yourself, learning perfectionism and codependency developed. You were not able to develop an authentic sense of self. You became sensitive to rejection in its many forms while desperately trying to avoid it. Possibly you endured not only neglect but psychological or physical abuse. You didn’t learn your own worth and you didn’t know your own mind. In adulthood we may again unconsciously invite this dynamic into our lives. But this time you must respect yourself and know your self worth.  #abandonment_issues #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticmother #narcissisticfather #toxicrelationships #codependency #narcissist #parenting #datingadvice #childhoodtrauma #ptsd #perfectionism #complextrauma #therapist #datinghelp #endthecycleofabuse #verbalabuse #abandonmenttrauma #egotrip #selfworth #mindfulness #recoverywarrior #healingfromtrauma #healingfromnarcissisticbuse
  • If you were raised by a narcissistic parent you understand that you were often invisible unless you were fulfilling the needs of the narcissist. This was likely where the origins of doubting yourself, learning perfectionism and codependency developed. You were not able to develop an authentic sense of self. You became sensitive to rejection in its many forms while desperately trying to avoid it. Possibly you endured not only neglect but psychological or physical abuse. You didn’t learn your own worth and you didn’t know your own mind. In adulthood we may again unconsciously invite this dynamic into our lives. But this time you must respect yourself and know your self worth. #abandonment_issues #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticmother #narcissisticfather #toxicrelationships #codependency #narcissist #parenting #datingadvice #childhoodtrauma #ptsd #perfectionism #complextrauma #therapist #datinghelp #endthecycleofabuse #verbalabuse #abandonmenttrauma #egotrip #selfworth #mindfulness #recoverywarrior #healingfromtrauma #healingfromnarcissisticbuse

  •  55  1  10 hours ago
  • Love a good summer thunderstorm ⚡️⚡️
  • Love a good summer thunderstorm ⚡️⚡️

  •  5  2  10 hours ago
  • Ughh, my hearts processing many emotions as I watch the rain pouring down on my windshield chaotically. I weep. Absolutely in love. one word on my mind that was so extremely loud & devastating to me in the car because I’m constantly deep in thought about life was “COMPARISON” Lord knows it creeps in and steals our joy. Comparison invades your space and makes you feel like your holding your breathe. It’s invasive stealing breathing room. I dislike comparison, but I struggle with it. It’s not any new news. It’s in the forefront. I’m not avoiding it. Coming to a stop sign sitting in the silence was a reminder to be still and embrace jesus compassionate heart after me -a friend told me that. But do I really believe it? I’m relearning love. I’m re falling in love all over again. I’m allowing to bleed out grief, hopes and dreams I dare to chase that are burdened on my heart in this simple space in the car allowing God in my crooked human sinful heart. It’s weird, but it’s healing. It’s utter healing. It’s a sacred space to be reminded Jesus is so tenderly compassionate in our aching and breaking hearts. It’s a process. Mathew 9:36 
#nostrangertogrief #adoptionfeels #adoptee #youaregood #enneagram4 #naviagting26 #unapologeticallyme #wanderingsoul #wandering #carrides #anchorofmysoul #moodygrams #chasinglivingwholeheartidly #phtography #stopsign #godsgotthis #rainyday #journaling #vulnerability #quietheart #introvertedintuition #complextrauma #healingjourney #tearsricochet #butgodsaid #bestill #depthobsessed #wanderingheart #deepened #instagram
  • Ughh, my hearts processing many emotions as I watch the rain pouring down on my windshield chaotically. I weep. Absolutely in love. one word on my mind that was so extremely loud & devastating to me in the car because I’m constantly deep in thought about life was “COMPARISON” Lord knows it creeps in and steals our joy. Comparison invades your space and makes you feel like your holding your breathe. It’s invasive stealing breathing room. I dislike comparison, but I struggle with it. It’s not any new news. It’s in the forefront. I’m not avoiding it. Coming to a stop sign sitting in the silence was a reminder to be still and embrace jesus compassionate heart after me -a friend told me that. But do I really believe it? I’m relearning love. I’m re falling in love all over again. I’m allowing to bleed out grief, hopes and dreams I dare to chase that are burdened on my heart in this simple space in the car allowing God in my crooked human sinful heart. It’s weird, but it’s healing. It’s utter healing. It’s a sacred space to be reminded Jesus is so tenderly compassionate in our aching and breaking hearts. It’s a process. Mathew 9:36
    #nostrangertogrief #adoptionfeels #adoptee #youaregood #enneagram4 #naviagting26 #unapologeticallyme #wanderingsoul #wandering #carrides #anchorofmysoul #moodygrams #chasinglivingwholeheartidly #phtography #stopsign #godsgotthis #rainyday #journaling #vulnerability #quietheart #introvertedintuition #complextrauma #healingjourney #tearsricochet #butgodsaid #bestill #depthobsessed #wanderingheart #deepened #instagram

  •  12  0  11 hours ago
  • 21—A treasured possession
My wedding ring (we celebrate 15 years of marriage in September). It’s not worth a lot of money but it’s a reminder to me of Ben and my love for and commitment to each other, that God brought us together as friends who met at church. I am thankful to have my wedding ring after having a sudden weight gain from psychiatric medications a few years ago and having to have my ring cut off my finger. A jewelry store repaired and resized my ring but it never fit right and was so big that I quit wearing it for fear I would lose it. I took it to a jeweler who did an amazing job talking through and gathering good information for the appropriate size to help it fit my finger well. And now I can enjoy wearing it without being afraid it will fall off and can enjoy the reminder and symbol that it is.

#amonthonfilm 
June 21, 2020
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film developed & scanned by @thedarkroomlab
#nikonFE #kodakportra400 #thedarkroomlab
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#portra400 #kodakprofessional #35mm #filmisnotdead #nikonfilm #shotonfilm #ishootfilm #analog #grainisgood #thedarkroomlab #artformentalhealth #therapeuticphotography #lookingforlight #copingskills #anxiety #depression #complextrauma #cptsd #storiesoftheeveryday #documentaryphotography
  • 21—A treasured possession
    My wedding ring (we celebrate 15 years of marriage in September). It’s not worth a lot of money but it’s a reminder to me of Ben and my love for and commitment to each other, that God brought us together as friends who met at church. I am thankful to have my wedding ring after having a sudden weight gain from psychiatric medications a few years ago and having to have my ring cut off my finger. A jewelry store repaired and resized my ring but it never fit right and was so big that I quit wearing it for fear I would lose it. I took it to a jeweler who did an amazing job talking through and gathering good information for the appropriate size to help it fit my finger well. And now I can enjoy wearing it without being afraid it will fall off and can enjoy the reminder and symbol that it is.

    #amonthonfilm
    June 21, 2020
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    film developed & scanned by @thedarkroomlab
    #nikonFE #kodakportra400 #thedarkroomlab
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    #portra400 #kodakprofessional #35mm #filmisnotdead #nikonfilm #shotonfilm #ishootfilm #analog #grainisgood #thedarkroomlab #artformentalhealth #therapeuticphotography #lookingforlight #copingskills #anxiety #depression #complextrauma #cptsd #storiesoftheeveryday #documentaryphotography

  •  40  1  11 hours ago
  • The deepest core feelings underneath all of our grief are toxic shame and loneliness.⁠
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When we embrace our shame and loneliness we begin to get in touch with our truest self.  To do this we need to start feeling our feelings.⁠
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In my experience this is MUCH easier said that done.  I've had decades to build up defence mechanisms to keep my emotions at bay.⁠
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What I'm learning is that grieving is a process and not an event... this is another thing that pisses me off. ⁠
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I want my grief to be an event!  Despite knowing better I still hope for the magical therapy session, book, treatment or whatever that will be my one-stop shop and magic pill.⁠
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For more on my personal story of terror to trauma to healing check out my latest podcast episode S01E09- Seeds of Shame⁠
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https://link.chtbl.com/shame⁠
⁠
#religioustrauma #healingtrauma #healingfromtrauma #complextrauma #innerhealing #religioustraumasyndrome #radicalacceptance #religioustraumasurvivor #traumainformed #traumarecovery #childhoodtrauma #toxicfamily #spiritualabuse #gaslightingawareness #hiddenabuse #emotionallyimmatureparents #traumasurvivor #cptsd #cptsdrecovery #selfhealerscircle  #selfhealer #thehealingcollective #queerhealingcollective #intergenerationaltrauma #innercritic #innerchild #emdr #internalfamilysystems #TLLoM🔥
  • The deepest core feelings underneath all of our grief are toxic shame and loneliness.⁠

    When we embrace our shame and loneliness we begin to get in touch with our truest self. To do this we need to start feeling our feelings.⁠

    In my experience this is MUCH easier said that done. I've had decades to build up defence mechanisms to keep my emotions at bay.⁠

    What I'm learning is that grieving is a process and not an event... this is another thing that pisses me off. ⁠

    I want my grief to be an event! Despite knowing better I still hope for the magical therapy session, book, treatment or whatever that will be my one-stop shop and magic pill.⁠

    For more on my personal story of terror to trauma to healing check out my latest podcast episode S01E09- Seeds of Shame⁠

    https://link.chtbl.com/shame⁠

    #religioustrauma #healingtrauma #healingfromtrauma #complextrauma #innerhealing #religioustraumasyndrome #radicalacceptance #religioustraumasurvivor #traumainformed #traumarecovery #childhoodtrauma #toxicfamily #spiritualabuse #gaslightingawareness #hiddenabuse #emotionallyimmatureparents #traumasurvivor #cptsd #cptsdrecovery #selfhealerscircle #selfhealer #thehealingcollective #queerhealingcollective #intergenerationaltrauma #innercritic #innerchild #emdr #internalfamilysystems #TLLoM🔥

  •  405  3  11 hours ago
  • We need to do this work so we are not only able to allow ourselves to be broken open, but also so we can be in the spaces with others who are breaking open themselves.  We need to do this so we don’t continue to carry the master’s tools.  We need to do this so we can break harmful inter-generational patterns and cycles.  We need to do this so we can create a world where love, not fear, is abundant and the motivation for all our actions. 

We need to do this work for the sake of our most intimate relationships, for the sake of our least intimate relationships, for the sake of our Self, our humanity, our real purpose in life.

Which is to love.  Each other. Our Self.  Our world.

/../
#Trauma #ComplexTrauma #TraumaInformed #TraumaInformedEmbodiment #Embodiment #Embodied #TraumaProcessing #PTSD #CPTSD #IntergenerationalTrauma #AncestralTrauma #CulturalTrauma #CollectiveRelationalTrauma #Somatic #TraumaSupport #Connection #Relationship #Relating #Support #Intimacy #Belonging #Community #CommunityCare #Oppression #CollectiveLiberation #Liberation
  • We need to do this work so we are not only able to allow ourselves to be broken open, but also so we can be in the spaces with others who are breaking open themselves. We need to do this so we don’t continue to carry the master’s tools. We need to do this so we can break harmful inter-generational patterns and cycles. We need to do this so we can create a world where love, not fear, is abundant and the motivation for all our actions.

    We need to do this work for the sake of our most intimate relationships, for the sake of our least intimate relationships, for the sake of our Self, our humanity, our real purpose in life.

    Which is to love. Each other. Our Self. Our world.

    /../
    #Trauma #ComplexTrauma #TraumaInformed #TraumaInformedEmbodiment #Embodiment #Embodied #TraumaProcessing #PTSD #CPTSD #IntergenerationalTrauma #AncestralTrauma #CulturalTrauma #CollectiveRelationalTrauma #Somatic #TraumaSupport #Connection #Relationship #Relating #Support #Intimacy #Belonging #Community #CommunityCare #Oppression #CollectiveLiberation #Liberation

  •  11  0  11 hours ago
  • Sunday night reminder to us all. I love you. 
Gentle, Gentle, Gentle, XO Dr. Jen

#drjenpsych
  • Sunday night reminder to us all. I love you.
    Gentle, Gentle, Gentle, XO Dr. Jen

    #drjenpsych

  •  413  9  11 hours ago
  • “But how can we escape from the invisible threads of our family history, from the triangular alliances established in our family structure, from the frequent repetitions of difficult situations? In a way, we are less free than we think we are. Yet we can regain our freedom and put an end to repetitions by understanding what happens, by grasping the threads in their context and in all their complexity. We can thus finally live ‘our own’ lives, and no longer the lives of our parents or grandparents, or, for example, the life of a deceased brother or uncle whom we ‘replace,’ knowingly or not.” Excerpt from “The Ancestor Syndrome.”

Art  @losdos_maintainstudio

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#innerhealing4women #innerchild #selflove #healing #yoga #yogini #mindfulness #metoo #ancestraltrauma #ancestralhealing #transgenerationaltrauma #generationaltrauma  #healingjourney #complexptsd  #cptsdrecovery  #ptsd #cptsd  #health #traumahealing  #complextrauma #peterlevine #emdr
  • “But how can we escape from the invisible threads of our family history, from the triangular alliances established in our family structure, from the frequent repetitions of difficult situations? In a way, we are less free than we think we are. Yet we can regain our freedom and put an end to repetitions by understanding what happens, by grasping the threads in their context and in all their complexity. We can thus finally live ‘our own’ lives, and no longer the lives of our parents or grandparents, or, for example, the life of a deceased brother or uncle whom we ‘replace,’ knowingly or not.” Excerpt from “The Ancestor Syndrome.”

    Art @losdos_maintainstudio

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    #innerhealing4women #innerchild #selflove #healing #yoga #yogini #mindfulness #metoo #ancestraltrauma #ancestralhealing #transgenerationaltrauma #generationaltrauma #healingjourney #complexptsd #cptsdrecovery #ptsd #cptsd #health #traumahealing #complextrauma #peterlevine #emdr

  •  23  0  12 hours ago
  • It might sound simple but I understand the struggle. I know the temptation to stay hurt, stay bitter, stay angry. It feels like protection because what would you do without it? If you don’t have anger to protect you then you’re wide open aren’t you? It’s a scary place to be. I’ll let you in on a little secret though ~ it’s totally worth it. Trauma doesn’t have to define us anymore. Let’s heal together. 💖
  • It might sound simple but I understand the struggle. I know the temptation to stay hurt, stay bitter, stay angry. It feels like protection because what would you do without it? If you don’t have anger to protect you then you’re wide open aren’t you? It’s a scary place to be. I’ll let you in on a little secret though ~ it’s totally worth it. Trauma doesn’t have to define us anymore. Let’s heal together. 💖

  •  5  1  12 hours ago
  • Abusive cycles are occurring in society or our relationships because we have been hardwired to keep the peace. We are also programmed to think things are our fault, and in this we are victims of abuse. But what we don’t realize is we continue to believe this was our fault, we are invalidating our inner truth, that of the needs of our inner child. 
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Abuse comes in many forms, sometimes covert and sometimes overt. It is based on Epigenetic trauma. Abusers have been abused themselves and are putting their pain onto others to give them a quick fix of relief.  It puts our inner children victim to toxic shame thinking they did something to deserve it and the cycle continues. 
.
So it’s time to wake up to this and Stop validating their abuse, (take the shaming and blaming), by invalidating your inner childs truth. Stop giving others the power over you. Recognize you were shamed and blamed and it had nothing to do with you. You did nothing to deserve this.  You can Take your power back by becoming in touch with your real feelings and Learning non-violent tools of communication to move forward. 
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Time to reclaim your innocence that you were afraid to claim.  Hardened walls can be broken down so you can begin to establish healthy boundaries and truly heal on the quantum level! 
.
I am opening back up sessions for quantum inner child healings (QIC) again. The packages are three sessions where we go to the quantum field,  I hold space for you to resurrect the bond with your inner child.  This is a step-by-step process I am beginning to teach and train people and couples to do for themselves and each other. (Scheduling link in my bio)
Please ask any questions in the comments below 👇 ⁣
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#selfcompassion #selfawareness #spiritualawakening #recovery #higherconsciousness #healingtrauma #anxiety #healingjourney #loveyourself #innerchild #meditation #selfhealers #healthyboundaries #innerchildhealing #innerwork #traumarecovery #selflove #selfcare #spirituality #traumahealing #ptsd #reparenting #complextrauma #healing #holistichealing #mentalhealthawareness #childhoodtrauma #mindfulness #awakening
  • Abusive cycles are occurring in society or our relationships because we have been hardwired to keep the peace. We are also programmed to think things are our fault, and in this we are victims of abuse. But what we don’t realize is we continue to believe this was our fault, we are invalidating our inner truth, that of the needs of our inner child.
    .
    Abuse comes in many forms, sometimes covert and sometimes overt. It is based on Epigenetic trauma. Abusers have been abused themselves and are putting their pain onto others to give them a quick fix of relief. It puts our inner children victim to toxic shame thinking they did something to deserve it and the cycle continues.
    .
    So it’s time to wake up to this and Stop validating their abuse, (take the shaming and blaming), by invalidating your inner childs truth. Stop giving others the power over you. Recognize you were shamed and blamed and it had nothing to do with you. You did nothing to deserve this. You can Take your power back by becoming in touch with your real feelings and Learning non-violent tools of communication to move forward.
    .
    Time to reclaim your innocence that you were afraid to claim. Hardened walls can be broken down so you can begin to establish healthy boundaries and truly heal on the quantum level!
    .
    I am opening back up sessions for quantum inner child healings (QIC) again. The packages are three sessions where we go to the quantum field, I hold space for you to resurrect the bond with your inner child. This is a step-by-step process I am beginning to teach and train people and couples to do for themselves and each other. (Scheduling link in my bio)
    Please ask any questions in the comments below 👇 ⁣
    .⁣
    .⁣
    .⁣
    .⁣
    .⁣
    #selfcompassion #selfawareness #spiritualawakening #recovery #higherconsciousness #healingtrauma #anxiety #healingjourney #loveyourself #innerchild #meditation #selfhealers #healthyboundaries #innerchildhealing #innerwork #traumarecovery #selflove #selfcare #spirituality #traumahealing #ptsd #reparenting #complextrauma #healing #holistichealing #mentalhealthawareness #childhoodtrauma #mindfulness #awakening

  •  62  4  13 hours ago
  • Is it straight?
The last few months have been hectic.
We left Austin and moved to Hilton Head.
Then we left Hilton Head because of psycho neighbors.
Almost moved to Savannah, backed out of the lease at the very last second.
I felt so unsettled but I kinda enjoyed the uncertainty of it all.
Now here we are in Florida.
Never thought we’d be living here but it’s been good so far.
Even though I know it’s not our forever home, we have no intentions of moving anytime soon and it’s kind of refreshing.
We’ve committed to being here at least two years.
And if we do, it would be the longest time we’ve spent anywhere. 
We usually move 1-2 times a year.
Sometimes more.🤭
Maybe we will wanna stay after the two years.
Who knows?🤷🏻‍♀️
What I do know is that I want to make our place feel more homey since we are going to be here awhile. 
Started with the living room.
Still want to add plants and a million throw pillows but I feel like it’s off to a cozy start.
😀
  • Is it straight?
    The last few months have been hectic.
    We left Austin and moved to Hilton Head.
    Then we left Hilton Head because of psycho neighbors.
    Almost moved to Savannah, backed out of the lease at the very last second.
    I felt so unsettled but I kinda enjoyed the uncertainty of it all.
    Now here we are in Florida.
    Never thought we’d be living here but it’s been good so far.
    Even though I know it’s not our forever home, we have no intentions of moving anytime soon and it’s kind of refreshing.
    We’ve committed to being here at least two years.
    And if we do, it would be the longest time we’ve spent anywhere.
    We usually move 1-2 times a year.
    Sometimes more.🤭
    Maybe we will wanna stay after the two years.
    Who knows?🤷🏻‍♀️
    What I do know is that I want to make our place feel more homey since we are going to be here awhile.
    Started with the living room.
    Still want to add plants and a million throw pillows but I feel like it’s off to a cozy start.
    😀

  •  20  7  13 hours ago
  • I have faced death many times. 

I've been told I had hours to live.

Each time..

  I. SURVIVED.

My body, mind & soul are powerfully strong.

Many times the pain & trauma inside of me has been too much to bare. 

The physical manifestations of my trauma have been excruciating.

I wanted OUT of my existence & suffering.

I'm still here, I kept breathing, I endured

I. SURVIVED.

Never underestimate how amazing you are if you have survived the seemingly impossible. 

Nothing is more powerful & courageous than being able to shout out to the world..

YES. I SURVIVED ❤️

#anorexiasurvivor #ptsd #complextrauma #powerful #couragous
  • I have faced death many times.

    I've been told I had hours to live.

    Each time..

    I. SURVIVED.

    My body, mind & soul are powerfully strong.

    Many times the pain & trauma inside of me has been too much to bare.

    The physical manifestations of my trauma have been excruciating.

    I wanted OUT of my existence & suffering.

    I'm still here, I kept breathing, I endured

    I. SURVIVED.

    Never underestimate how amazing you are if you have survived the seemingly impossible.

    Nothing is more powerful & courageous than being able to shout out to the world..

    YES. I SURVIVED ❤️

    #anorexiasurvivor #ptsd #complextrauma #powerful #couragous

  •  0  0  7 August, 2020

Top #ComplexTrauma Posts

  • I collaborated with @soyouwanttotalkabout to bring you some facts about intergenerational trauma.⁣
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This is one of the topics I like to discuss with my clients, the understanding that in most cases, trauma didn’t start with them or even with their parents.⁣
⁣
Parents who experienced trauma themselves often encounter difficulties in parenting and connecting with their own children due to their unresolved trauma. It is both passed down genetically and their parenting usually reflects the things that were missing or that they experienced as children.⁣
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An example of this is how children of parents who have anxiety have a higher chance of having it themselves due to their genetic make up and growing up in either a similar environment than the parent (abusive) or the complete opposite (permissive), where it lacks balance. ⁣
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Intergenerational trauma doesn’t stop until one person breaks the chain of transmission. This one person is the one who chooses to do things differently. Who either attends therapy, reads parenting books and does the inner work to process unresolved trauma.⁣
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Most of us have unresolved trauma and don’t even realize it. It shows up in our actions and our strong reactions, but it can go largely undiagnosed due to being normalized in society.⁣
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#youmakesense
  • I collaborated with @soyouwanttotalkabout to bring you some facts about intergenerational trauma.⁣

    This is one of the topics I like to discuss with my clients, the understanding that in most cases, trauma didn’t start with them or even with their parents.⁣

    Parents who experienced trauma themselves often encounter difficulties in parenting and connecting with their own children due to their unresolved trauma. It is both passed down genetically and their parenting usually reflects the things that were missing or that they experienced as children.⁣

    An example of this is how children of parents who have anxiety have a higher chance of having it themselves due to their genetic make up and growing up in either a similar environment than the parent (abusive) or the complete opposite (permissive), where it lacks balance. ⁣

    Intergenerational trauma doesn’t stop until one person breaks the chain of transmission. This one person is the one who chooses to do things differently. Who either attends therapy, reads parenting books and does the inner work to process unresolved trauma.⁣

    Most of us have unresolved trauma and don’t even realize it. It shows up in our actions and our strong reactions, but it can go largely undiagnosed due to being normalized in society.⁣

    #youmakesense

  •  10,492  165  25 July, 2020
  • A magical portrayal of connecting with your inner child by @craftingwitch ♥️⁣
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By the far the #1 question I get is how do I connect with my inner child & how can you help me do that? ⁣
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So many feel partially or completely blocked off from this part of them. This is completely normal after experiencing trauma and nothing to be ashamed of. ⁣
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The approach I always take with my clients is that we find a way to connect that works for THEM. Each person is so different, for good reason. Some people need visuals, others need an activity, and some need breathwork to go in deep. ⁣
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The process of reconnecting to your inner child is so uniquely yours, and there is no wrong way to do it. ⁣
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What is one way of connecting to your inner child that works for you? 👧
  • A magical portrayal of connecting with your inner child by @craftingwitch ♥️⁣

    By the far the #1 question I get is how do I connect with my inner child & how can you help me do that? ⁣

    So many feel partially or completely blocked off from this part of them. This is completely normal after experiencing trauma and nothing to be ashamed of. ⁣

    The approach I always take with my clients is that we find a way to connect that works for THEM. Each person is so different, for good reason. Some people need visuals, others need an activity, and some need breathwork to go in deep. ⁣

    The process of reconnecting to your inner child is so uniquely yours, and there is no wrong way to do it. ⁣

    What is one way of connecting to your inner child that works for you? 👧

  •  1,002  19  4 August, 2020
  • It’s not. Or it shouldn’t be. It absolutely shouldn’t be. 🧡
  • It’s not. Or it shouldn’t be. It absolutely shouldn’t be. 🧡

  •  5,195  54  5 August, 2020
  • Note: this is for yoga teachers and survivors. (TW!) As a survivor in yoga spaces, the whole “it’s just a story you are telling yourself” advice never resonated with me. The panic attacks I was having weren’t a “story” I was telling myself, they were real. The hypervigilance I was experiencing as my body and nervous system tried to keep me safe by scanning for danger... that was real. My flashbacks were real. The actual danger, violence and harm I had survived was real. Pretending it was just a story I was telling myself rather than a reality that took place felt like a slap in the face, like it was just something I made up. It felt so invalidating.
✨

This is the thing: trauma is real. Post-trauma symptoms are real. While I frequently use and believe in affirmations, we also need to be careful as yoga teachers that saying things like “just change the narrative” isn’t harming those who are already harmed, who may be very vulnerable.
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Survivors can’t change their past. What happened happened. It’s a fact, it’s a reality. What makes a difference is how much compassion, understanding and support survivors can receive from their communities going forward. Establishing safety isn’t so much about changing the past (or denying the past) as it is about trusting that harm doesn’t have to happen again. That safety amongst other humans is normal and to be expected. Once the nervous system “believes” in that relative safety, the symptoms of post-trauma begin to wane. Rebuilding a felt-sense of safety and trust in community is key. 💗
✨
  • Note: this is for yoga teachers and survivors. (TW!) As a survivor in yoga spaces, the whole “it’s just a story you are telling yourself” advice never resonated with me. The panic attacks I was having weren’t a “story” I was telling myself, they were real. The hypervigilance I was experiencing as my body and nervous system tried to keep me safe by scanning for danger... that was real. My flashbacks were real. The actual danger, violence and harm I had survived was real. Pretending it was just a story I was telling myself rather than a reality that took place felt like a slap in the face, like it was just something I made up. It felt so invalidating.


    This is the thing: trauma is real. Post-trauma symptoms are real. While I frequently use and believe in affirmations, we also need to be careful as yoga teachers that saying things like “just change the narrative” isn’t harming those who are already harmed, who may be very vulnerable.


    Survivors can’t change their past. What happened happened. It’s a fact, it’s a reality. What makes a difference is how much compassion, understanding and support survivors can receive from their communities going forward. Establishing safety isn’t so much about changing the past (or denying the past) as it is about trusting that harm doesn’t have to happen again. That safety amongst other humans is normal and to be expected. Once the nervous system “believes” in that relative safety, the symptoms of post-trauma begin to wane. Rebuilding a felt-sense of safety and trust in community is key. 💗

  •  2,492  64  30 July, 2020
  • Huge disclaimer that obviously, this isn’t a blanket statement!! There is a lot more nuance than a simple illustration can allow for. There will also always be exceptions. But what I want to say is: let’s not put labels & assumptions on what people with mental illness are like. 
✨
Mental illness affects people’s lives in many ways, but having them doesn’t automatically make them untrustworthy, or irrational, or incapable, or dangerous etc. A person is not reduced to just their illness, they are just as human as everyone else.

Just like how someone with a physical illness or disability might need accommodations or support, so do people with mental illness. When we treat people with mental illnesses through a lens of stigma and shame, it creates an environment that doesn’t feel safe or empowering for those with mental illness. 
✨
What are some others things you’ve heard or seen people assume about mental illness? 🌱
  • Huge disclaimer that obviously, this isn’t a blanket statement!! There is a lot more nuance than a simple illustration can allow for. There will also always be exceptions. But what I want to say is: let’s not put labels & assumptions on what people with mental illness are like.

    Mental illness affects people’s lives in many ways, but having them doesn’t automatically make them untrustworthy, or irrational, or incapable, or dangerous etc. A person is not reduced to just their illness, they are just as human as everyone else.

    Just like how someone with a physical illness or disability might need accommodations or support, so do people with mental illness. When we treat people with mental illnesses through a lens of stigma and shame, it creates an environment that doesn’t feel safe or empowering for those with mental illness.

    What are some others things you’ve heard or seen people assume about mental illness? 🌱

  •  15,448  125  17 July, 2020
  • A special commission piece I did for a group of abuse survivors. I’m holding hope for them- hope that they can come back to find a home in themsleves, where there is still light. 🕯
✨
These commissions where I can write and illustrate words that are meant *just for you* are so special to make! It’s a collaborative process, I get to connect with you and write for you, and you ends up with a beautiful piece of art with words and reminders that have been written for you. 
✨
If this sounds like something you’re be interested in, send me a dm! I offer sliding scale prices for all my work.
  • A special commission piece I did for a group of abuse survivors. I’m holding hope for them- hope that they can come back to find a home in themsleves, where there is still light. 🕯

    These commissions where I can write and illustrate words that are meant *just for you* are so special to make! It’s a collaborative process, I get to connect with you and write for you, and you ends up with a beautiful piece of art with words and reminders that have been written for you.

    If this sounds like something you’re be interested in, send me a dm! I offer sliding scale prices for all my work.

  •  1,293  75  30 July, 2020
  • I will start by saying forgiveness is a loaded topic, but it is crucial to talk about as well. But even the word “forgive” can be a trigger word. So be gentle with yourself as you read this.
⠀
I did a Q&A time at a training I did on complex trauma.
A woman raises her hand, “What about forgiveness?” she asks.  She was referring to forgiving the one(s) who caused the trauma through their abuse or neglect.
⠀
When addressing complex trauma, I find that it is much less about a person’s inability to “forgive” the one who has hurt them and much more often about a lack of self forgiveness at some of the ways they learned to cope in order to survive the harm.
⠀
This is what lingers on.
This is what daily haunts.
⠀
And I said this.
⠀
In therapy, so often people are still relationally connected to or forgiving of or can see the one who has hurt them in the context of their story, but they can’t offer themselves that same sort of care and consideration.  And so they hurl insults at themselves, shame the behaviors that they have engaged in to survive, and berate their bodies and hearts and minds for still “hanging on.”
⠀
So what about forgiveness?
Brilliant question.
My answer was not what was expected by that question.
But in all my years of counseling complex trauma survivors I have RARELY seen the root cause of suffering being about lack of forgiveness of others, and have daily seen suffering caused by lack of forgiveness towards themselves for the ways trauma still shows up in their bodies, hearts and minds.
⠀
And, please hear me well, I am not saying that for some people that is not an essential part of their healing journey to “forgive others” (whatever that means to them). Many feel it is.
And I would honor that work if they feel it is important to them.
But the truth is many complex trauma survivors have been ENDLESSLY told to forgive others, and have never been told by a bold and courageous listener, I am sorry for what you faced.  You should have never faced that.  It was wrong.  If only they were told that as often as they are asked, “Have you forgiven them?”
  • I will start by saying forgiveness is a loaded topic, but it is crucial to talk about as well. But even the word “forgive” can be a trigger word. So be gentle with yourself as you read this.

    I did a Q&A time at a training I did on complex trauma.
    A woman raises her hand, “What about forgiveness?” she asks. She was referring to forgiving the one(s) who caused the trauma through their abuse or neglect.

    When addressing complex trauma, I find that it is much less about a person’s inability to “forgive” the one who has hurt them and much more often about a lack of self forgiveness at some of the ways they learned to cope in order to survive the harm.

    This is what lingers on.
    This is what daily haunts.

    And I said this.

    In therapy, so often people are still relationally connected to or forgiving of or can see the one who has hurt them in the context of their story, but they can’t offer themselves that same sort of care and consideration.  And so they hurl insults at themselves, shame the behaviors that they have engaged in to survive, and berate their bodies and hearts and minds for still “hanging on.”

    So what about forgiveness?
    Brilliant question.
    My answer was not what was expected by that question.
    But in all my years of counseling complex trauma survivors I have RARELY seen the root cause of suffering being about lack of forgiveness of others, and have daily seen suffering caused by lack of forgiveness towards themselves for the ways trauma still shows up in their bodies, hearts and minds.

    And, please hear me well, I am not saying that for some people that is not an essential part of their healing journey to “forgive others” (whatever that means to them). Many feel it is.
    And I would honor that work if they feel it is important to them.
    But the truth is many complex trauma survivors have been ENDLESSLY told to forgive others, and have never been told by a bold and courageous listener, I am sorry for what you faced.  You should have never faced that.  It was wrong. If only they were told that as often as they are asked, “Have you forgiven them?”

  •  1,869  65  30 July, 2020
  • 4 Ways to STOP Being Walked All Over + Finally Have your Voice Heard [READ THIS]⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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i mean, it's draining to constantly put everyone else in front of your own needs selflessly⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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and when you give so much it... it just makes your feel so resentful because you're invalidated + not appreciated⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
-⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
i get it... it's miserable. i hated being in that constant, toxic cycle.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But here’s the deal.. it’s not their fault! It’s yours. Because you don’t have boundaries.�...⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
-⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Time to STOP being walked on + let your voice be heard:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
💫Name your limits⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
💫Say NO to anything out of your limits - aka anything that makes you fee uncomfortable⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
💫Trust your judgement, abilities and capabilities ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
💫Confidently communicate your limitations in a direct way --- there's no need to apologize⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
-⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Ready to stop being walked all over?! DM ME today + we'll get started!
  • 4 Ways to STOP Being Walked All Over + Finally Have your Voice Heard [READ THIS]⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    -⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    i mean, it's draining to constantly put everyone else in front of your own needs selflessly⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    and when you give so much it... it just makes your feel so resentful because you're invalidated + not appreciated⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    -⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    i get it... it's miserable. i hated being in that constant, toxic cycle.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    But here’s the deal.. it’s not their fault! It’s yours. Because you don’t have boundaries.�...⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    -⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    Time to STOP being walked on + let your voice be heard:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    💫Name your limits⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    💫Say NO to anything out of your limits - aka anything that makes you fee uncomfortable⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    💫Trust your judgement, abilities and capabilities ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    💫Confidently communicate your limitations in a direct way --- there's no need to apologize⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    -⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
    Ready to stop being walked all over?! DM ME today + we'll get started!

  •  740  16  31 July, 2020
  • When it comes to trauma, in hindsight, there can be so many ‘what if’s. 
What if you didn’t go there, at that time?
What if you were more assertive?
What if you tried harder to get away?
What if you behaved differently?
What if you were are a different location?
What if you fought back?

Sometimes it’s easier to focus on all the things we could have done, to shift the blame onto ourselves instead of facing painful truths: that something bad happened, and it wasn’t in our control. there was nothing else we could have done. You did what you could- you survived. 
✨
If you find yourself getting stuck in the ‘what if’s. Know it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault: if you didn’t know better, if you didn’t have the tools you needed to help yourself, if you missed the red flags, if you couldn’t set boundaries, if you couldn’t prevent it.

It still wasn’t your fault. 
✨
If you feel okay sharing: Have you ever felt self-blame for a trauma, or heard someone else express self-blame? ☁️

Holding space + soft compassion for you 💛 take care, friends
  • When it comes to trauma, in hindsight, there can be so many ‘what if’s.
    What if you didn’t go there, at that time?
    What if you were more assertive?
    What if you tried harder to get away?
    What if you behaved differently?
    What if you were are a different location?
    What if you fought back?

    Sometimes it’s easier to focus on all the things we could have done, to shift the blame onto ourselves instead of facing painful truths: that something bad happened, and it wasn’t in our control. there was nothing else we could have done. You did what you could- you survived.

    If you find yourself getting stuck in the ‘what if’s. Know it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault: if you didn’t know better, if you didn’t have the tools you needed to help yourself, if you missed the red flags, if you couldn’t set boundaries, if you couldn’t prevent it.

    It still wasn’t your fault.

    If you feel okay sharing: Have you ever felt self-blame for a trauma, or heard someone else express self-blame? ☁️

    Holding space + soft compassion for you 💛 take care, friends

  •  1,395  73  26 July, 2020